by Maureen Thomson

My second born daughter was married last year. And let’s just say that she has been quite the little over-achiever her entire life. Planning her wedding was no exception. Alyssa knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it done. Did that make her difficult? Not in the least (and I’m not just saying that because I’m her Mom!)

The reason was that Alyssa kept things in perspective. She knew what she wanted, but she was also grounded in terms of other realities, such as time, our budget, and available resources. She also knew when to stop controlling the process and delegate some of the work. In the end, this gave her (and her sweetie) enough room to sit back and really enjoy the ride.

Most important, Alyssa’s desire for a just-so wedding stemmed from her and her fiancée’s wish to have it so, and not the need to appease outside sources or satisfy the unspoken needs of others. They were not there to impress anyone (which would have been an easy thing to do, since six of their friends also had weddings last year); they did not concern themselves with outdated rules of etiquette or “shoulds”. They simply planned what they wanted, developed a budget and set about making it happen

Daniel Pink takes on this issue in a recent blog post. “Is Perfectionism a Problem or a Plus?” The short answer?  It depends on whether the perfectionist’s attitude is “motivated from an inner urge or an outside push.”  If you want things “just so” because the thought of having it that way fulfills your fantasy, thoughts and wishes of how your wedding day should look, then so be it Just don’t fall into the trap of aiming for perfectionism to impress others or to fulfill the desires of anyone other than you and your fiancé.

So, if you’re naturally picky and detail oriented and that attribute will extend to your wedding planning , then have at it. The following should help keep you on track.

• Set a realistic budget and stick to it. Wanting something a certain way does not mean you should go beyond your means to attain it. You may think it will be a blast to take 50 friends and family members on a white water rafting trip the day after your wedding, but if the cost is prohibitive, you may have second thoughts when the bills start rolling in.
• Remember that not everyone will view your pickiness with the same enthusiasm that you do. If your maid of honor doesn’t tie the bows on your ceremony programs perfectly evenly (and that bothers you), then you’d better plan to do it yourself–and without complaint.
• Be vigilant about the cause of your perfectionist desires. If you begin to fall into the trap of pleasing others over pleasing yourself, then stop reassess and adjust your course.
• Pick your battles. Is your bridesmaid’s bright green hair going to ruin the look you’re aiming for enough to take a stand? Is serving meat at the reception going to be impossible for your vegetarian self or can you abide a choice of a meat dish or a vegan option to appease your meat-eating guests? Is the fact that your best man refuses to wear socks with his tux going to put you over the top? Each of these things might not be your preference, but are they all hills upon which you will choose to die? Bear in mind that if you have to control every minute detail of the day from start to finish, you might end up being completely stressed out by the end of it all.
• Allow ample time. Many a picky bride has ended up in tears not because her expectations were unreasonable, but because she didn’t allow enough time to fulfill them. If you want a certain shade of sunset orange paper for your wedding invitations, then you might have to go to several places to find it.
• Know when to move on. Having a desire for something (even a strong one that is really, really, really important) doesn’t give you the green light to get out of control (can you spell B-r-i-d-e-z-i-l-l-a?) if your wish doesn’t become reality. So, if the bagpiper you’ve had your heart set on for your ceremony is already booked on the day of your ceremony, then find another bagpiper or change the date. There can be a fine line between perfectionism and immaturity. Don’t cross it!
• Don’t allow others to make you feel badly because they label you a “perfectionist”. Laughingly state that you are not a perfectionist…you’re just particular and you know what you want. Then move on to the next item on your to do list. You don’t need dream-bashers spoiling your wedding planning.

Maureen Thomson is a wedding officiant and owner of Lyssabeth’s Wedding Officiants, serving California, Colorado and Oregon.

Everyone remembers the cake at a wedding, so make sure that yours is memorable. A simple way to make your wedding cake special is to add your own personal touch to it. Check out these great wedding ideas for easy ways to personalize your cake.

A very chic idea is to have writing on your confection. It might be a fancy monogram, created in sparkling crystals to match your wedding jewelry. Imagine how romantic it would be to have your vows written around your cake. You could have your favorite romantic phrase written on the side of your confection. Pale blue writing looks very pretty on a white or ivory cake. Whichever you decide, text is a wonderful way to convey a personal message.

Another fun wedding planning idea is to use a picture of the bride and groom on the cake. If handled tastefully, it can be quite delightful. It is possible to order custom cake toppers that resemble the newlyweds. Another idea is to have the baker print edible pictures and place them in frosting frames on the sides of the cake. It would be really fun to create edible “cameos” of the happy couple on the side of the cake. That would be a subtle take on the picture idea, as well as a lovely retro accent.

You might also look to your favorite hobby as inspiration for your cake design. Couples have been doing this with the groom’s cake for generations, but there is no reason this idea cannot be used on the big cake as well. The cake topper can definitely be an opportunity for self expression. There are quite a few created for any interest, like sports. To make more of a statement, design a cake which is themed around something you both love. It could be anything, and it does not have to tie in with your wedding theme. As long as it suits the overall flavor of your reception, it will be perfect.

Another lovely idea is for the wedding cake to be inspired by the bridal gown or bride’s jewelry. Nothing could be prettier than a cake adorned with edible “lace” that is made to match the lace on the wedding gown. Or you could have decorations that complement your wedding jewelry, such as a row of frosting pearls around the base of the cake tiers to mimic your strand of pearls. The special details you choose for your wedding will set it apart from the crowd.