When you invite the most special women in your life to be in your bridal party, you are probably thinking of how much each of them means to you. What you might not be thinking about at the time is how well each of them gets along, if they even know each other at all. The sad truth is that supporting the bride is not enough of a reason to put aside differences for some women. This is some advice about what to do when your bridesmaids simply do not get along.

It is common for women to tie the knot later than they once did. Chances are that you will have bridesmaids from various parts of your life. There is the girl you have been friends with since you both had braces on your teeth. Your college roommate. A friend from work with whom you share a lot of interests. Your sibling who is going to be your maid of honor, even though you don’t always get along. When you throw all of these women together, who have nothing in common other than you, it is not so surprising that there can be friction. Then factor in that all of your friends are likely to be in different stages of their lives and probably live scattered around the country, and you can see why there may be some friction among them.

Now we know why bridesmaids often clash, but once you have selected your bridal party, you pretty much have to live with the mix of ladies you picked out. Sometimes problems arise when one bridesmaid simply cannot agree with the others on matters of taste, such as the bridesmaid dress or what type of bridesmaid jewelry to wear. When your attendants can’t agree on anything, you might just want to pick the bridesmaid dress style without them. You shop for bridesmaid jewelry and dresses, and your choice will be the final one. Another option is to allow your attendants to agree to disagree, and ask them each to pick out their own dress within a certain color family. It will certainly put an end to the endless disagreements.

If your attendants have very different lifestyles from one another, that can cause issues to flare up. You might have one friend who lives in Los Angeles and another who resides in a small town in South Carolina. Do you think those two ladies might have a difference of opinion on what constitutes a great style of bridal shower? It might be helpful if you can bridge the gap between your friends. Privately explain to each of your bridesmaids where the other is coming from culturally, so they have a better framework for working out a compromise. At that point, it is reasonable to step back and ask them to figure it out amongst themselves.

The most frustrating problems can arise when the bridesmaids fight about things and then run to the bride to “tattle”. It would be nice if adults were beyond childish nonsense, but that is not always the case. A true friend will not put you in the awkward position of having to hear a bunch of complaints about your other bridesmaids. It is not the bride’s job to play referee between her bridesmaids. You would be perfectly within your rights to let the warring parties know that it makes you sad that they are not getting along, and that you hope they can put their differences aside for the sake of your wedding.

It is reasonable to ask your matron of honor to act as referee so you don’t have to. If nothing else works, point out to your attendants that they only have to be nice to each other until your wedding day has passed, and that is the least they can do for you. When it is put that bluntly, most people can suck it up and be nice for a couple of months.